7/22/2002 04:13:09 PM|||Amy|||Goddamn it. I have to get the fuck out of Texas.

An excerpt from my sister's writings,

'No, the real reason why I cannot go back, even to take care of her, is because I would then have no life at all. To be honest, I feel like I am merely spinning my wheels with my family. I can't fix them. I can't help them. All I can really do is spend my time picking up the detritus that will build back up the next day and watch as they deteriorate, and I will deteriorate right along with them.'

If I don't get the fuck out of Texas, then I will be further sucked into my family's nightmare. But why does it feel like it would be so goddamned selfish of me to leave? My friend Bill has parents who believe that no matter what he should never feel that he needs to come back here for whatever reason. I am being emotionally blackmailed to stay. I cannot even imagine the tears and pleading from my mother if I were to take William and Lauren somewhere else. I can, however, imagine the lengths she would go to in order to prevent it.

I'm not even sure if I care what John wants anymore. I feel that I am dying here, that I am caught in a very sticky web constructed by my family and here they come with their hairy legs and their nasty claws dripping with venom.

Where can I go for guidance? Where will I find the courage to lead my own life?|||79271944|||