2/4/2003 02:49:20 PM|||Amy|||I threw up this morning. Afterwards, it was such a relief. I had been feeling nauseated before the sun came up, and that kept me awake. Then, when I finally did go back to sleep, I slept too late and had only half an hour to take a shower and get dressed for work. I let the kids sleep in - thus taking unfair advantage (again) of my parent's good will in their willingness to dress the children and get them to school before (but sometimes just in time for) lunch.

So, after I emptied my stomach of all of its acid, I felt more able to cope and willing to do the things necessary to drive the 45 minutes it takes to arrive at work. My fear these days is that I will need to throw up during the drive which could potentially end up being disasterous. I often pee while I vomit, and I am trying very hard to not allow bodily fluids on to the brand new upholstery of my brand new automobile. Also, I had John clean out the car last week so there is no plastic bag, no receptacle for what ever liquid or other material might want to be ejected from the confines of my tummy.

After my session this morning - which was conducted while I sat on the toilet with a trash can held between my knees - I found that I had put so much effort into the ordeal that a small patch of red infected looking skin has formed under my left eye. This used to happen all the time during my pregnancy with Lauren and I never did figure out why. Is that red patch the result of broken capillaries, or is it a burn from my possibly highly acidic tears? (I also shed tears during these bouts.) I wonder if it would be okay to hit up the MD's in my department for information?

It is now almost 3pm. I've been so busy today that I haven't had the chance to eat more than a few handfuls of cheese crackers. All I can think about is a plate of fresh, skillfully made vegetarian spring rolls - the kind which aren't fried. The thought consumes me that I really want to consume some of them. I have the ingredients at home to make these tasty little buggers, but chances are by the time I get there - I won't have a single ounce of energy to do anything more than what my mother will guilt me into doing. The kids have to have a bath tonight, they have to eat dinner, laundry has to be sorted, clothes for tomorrow have to be arranged. I know that these things must be done, and that they are my responsibility but I will wait and not make a single move until my mother begins her nagging. Old habits die hard.|||88548807|||