3/19/2003 02:44:24 PM|||Amy|||I won't speak for anyone else on this, but I suspect that I'm not the only that does this. Sometimes, when I'm nervous or just feeling stupid, I say some of the most inane things. So, I'm in the little kitchen at work scooping up some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream for myself, when in walks one of the senior faculty. This man's office is directly across from mine and I see him every single day. He makes me really nervous, because even though I've been here more than a year I sometimes get the distinct impression that he has no more regard for me than to a turd stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Actually, he would probably have more regard for the turd. So, in he walks and suddenly I feel like I've just been caught by my grandfather sneaking a cigarette out behind the house. I offer the faculty some, he takes it and I make some stupid remark about how ice cream is the snack of choice for me especially and how if someone just gave me a jar of pickles, I would be in snack heaven. It was innocent, but dumb. Oh well.

God, I'm depressed. I hate the fact that there hasn't been a single damn memorable time in my life when I've been happy and self-confident - except for maybe when I was too young and too silly to know better.

I had a really graphic dream last night. You know, the good kind - the kind which, if you wake up before you're ready for it to be over, you just close your eyes and continue on with the dream in your imagination. I dreamt I was on vacation and traveling by myself. I went into a bar in some remote place (it was actually some place in Turkey) and just hung out for awhile drinking and flirting with the bartender. The bartender turned out to be the musical act for that night, and he had a voice and a style like Nick Cave. Enter the censors.

I really, really need a decent diversion. |||91012151|||