5/31/2004 09:39:21 AM|||Amy|||On my continued journey down memory lane, there are a few memories I wanted to write here so that I wouldn't forget them. We have two anniversaries. One is our wedding anniversary on July 18, and the other is our first date on November 5. The first date anniversary is to my mind the far more romantic one because at our wedding, which took place in the city courthouse, I was pregnant and sick and hot. Our first date night was incredibly romantic. We had agreed to meet at a bar in his local village, but the weather was very bad that night and I didn't think I was going to make it. At the last minute I got a lift to the bar, and I found him right off. We drank, we played pool (and I actually won a game - something I haven't managed since), and then he walked me back up to where I was staying that night. Cara's Hostel was a mile up a very steep hill, and in all that wind and rain - it wasn't an easy trek. We saw each other frequently after that. We told each other we were in love with each other in January, and by March he had proposed.

I loved him. Passionately. I would cry sometimes, terrified, that something horrible would happen to separate us. By the time we had been married for two years, the passion, I think, still flamed high but our tolerance for each other was waning. Our marriage never really matured. We didn't grow into each other.

On our sixth wedding anniversary last year, I was 7 months pregnant with Winston. We had taken the kids swimming, and when we got home I asked him if he remembered what day it was. I don't remember the conversation, but I do remember that we got very upset and shouted at each other. What it came down to is that he didn't particularly care about a celebration, much less a mention.

When I was in labor with all three kids, he would shout at me. We got into a particularly bitter fight during Winston's labor.
my water had broken, the contractions were 2 or 3 minutes apart, I had to get to the hospital. I didn't know the doctor's phone number and I couldn't find it. I wanted to look on the computer and he just yelled at me to tell him where to look. I couldn't put rational thoughts together, and everything I gave him to try didn't work. So, instead of letting me look for it, he screamed at me. I was so angry, and in so much pain. Winston was born about half an hour later, but thankfully - in the hospital and not on my bed. I think she arrived less than 15 minutes after we entered the door to the hospital.

Anyway, I have lots of good and bad memories. I may write more of them here. I don't know how much of this I will let the kids read when they're older. I don't know how I will portray their father. My goal is to keep everything as positive as it possibly can be.

|||108601497946768100|||Lest I Forget