5/30/2004 12:07:54 PM|||Amy|||There have been times - two memorable ones especially - over the course of my marriage when I discovered that my husband was pursuing relationships with other women. I confronted him. He denied it. And, I guess, I chose to believe that while he may have considered straying, he didn't actually - and I could live with that. I was pregnant at both of those times.

Last night I told him that I often wonder why I didn't leave him after the first "I caught you" event, but I was glad I didn't because otherwise we wouldn't have Winston. It all comes down to Winston. What I regret doing now is that I let him move in with me shortly before she was born. We had separated a couple of weeks before she was conceived, and during the course of my pregnancy - he lived in an apartment, for which I paid the rent, and I lived with my parents. Winston is a miracle baby - a story I've told before on this site. My husband and I have produced three beautiful children, but it all should have ended after the third one was conceived. Should I be saying to myself, "I'm such a fool"? I don't think that would help. I wanted my marriage to work. I loved my husband, we have 3 amazing kids, I never expected that we would get divorced. All of this has been difficult to digest.

He tells me still that he will always love me, but what does that mean to someone like him?|||108593739090354098|||This Day