5/31/2004 08:45:45 PM|||Amy|||So, here is what I noticed from reading the chat logs. It was, apparently, within my grasp to save my marriage at some point. If I could have just overlooked his joblessness, his refusal to help around the house, the screaming and so forth then he might not be screwing this woman in San Antonio, right now.

However, because I could not overlook those things and would get upset about them, then I am some kind of souless hell monster whose primary purpose is to make his life unbearable.

You're right, Lisa, this is pretty much incidental to the fact that John never appeared to care very much for anyone other than himself. I know he loves his kids, but he would be happy enough to leave all the actual care and feeding to someone else. And I'm very happy with taking care of them. It's my job, and my primary focus, to nurture them into better adults than all of us.

AND YET, I AM IN SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN.

I just went to Target to buy groceries, and I ran into someone that I know purely on the acquaintance level. She asked where John was, so I told her. I couldn't believe I actually said it. Since he left, I've been trying to focus all of my energy and need to talk about this into this blog. But, I told her. I said that he had gone to San Antonio to visit his girlfriend - except I spelled it out quickly because I had Bear and Monkey with me. Even if their father is an adulterous bastard, I still want to foster the whole "Daddy as Hero" image.

At least, this time I'm not pregnant. Immaculate conception being what it is - I'm not exactly the God bearing type.|||108605494544411240|||Through the Looking Glass