6/6/2004 10:31:09 PM|||Amy|||For the past week we've been mostly civil to each other with a small spattering of serious talks to keep things from getting too complacent. I think we have decided the following:

1) We are now both free to pursue other relationships and take them as far as our individual levels of morality will allow us.
2) We are both concerned for the psychological and emotional welfare of our children, and how to keep them from harm during these "end of days."
3) We are resolved to pursue a divorce as soon as it is financially possible to do so. This means, I'm free to go to the lawyer any ol' time I like, but I am going to have to cough up the retainer on my own.
4) Our marriage is over. As a couple, we have died. We are only together because we are forced to live together, and because it will take time to navigate the financials of our situation.

I check with him from time to time to clarify these points because in spite of last weekend's drama, everything has been just as it was before - except, now, we are both a little more honest about who we are talking to on the phone, or where we are going, or with whom we are going out, etc.

We talked about whether or not we would bring our new love interests around the children, and we both agreed that we should be very careful about this issue - and only introduce Bear specifically to the new interest with the other parent's consent. So, tonight, he asked me if it would be okay for Bear to play with his "friend"'s two boys, who are very close in age to Bear, while they will be visiting a nearby town over the next couple of weeks. I told him I would get back to him on this.

I don't think it's a great idea. Bear would have fun with the two boys, but their mother will be in attendence too. My first instinct is to say that it is only okay if I am also there. Then, Bear won't even think to wonder about the connection between this woman and his father. As well, I will be there to monitor how these two little kids interact with my child, and how the mother interacts with all three. My response to this instinct is basically to say, "no fucking way could I handle that." I would really rather not ever meet this woman. My second instinct is to say no to the whole thing. No to meeting this woman. No to playing with her children. It's too soon to take that step.

So, all that said, I took Monkey and Winston to a nearby lake today. The water was brown and kind of scummy looking, and I was very worried about walking along the shore without shoes. Still, Monkey, who isn't nearly as particular as her mother yet, had a pretty darn good time. I think Winston was just grateful to be out of the house.

|||108658032928298224|||Confused