Bear just announced that there is no more Stars Kids. That seemingly trivial little bit rests on top of a lot more trivial bits which have all piled together to form one very tall and now toppling mountain. I have a soul aching headache. I'm tired, and I am completely overwhelmed. What made me think that I could successfully raise three children? When, for example, did I ever imagine that I would be able to teach my children that temper tantrums, while possibly cathartic, are useless forms of manipulation?

I am trying my best to take care of myself, but first to take care of these three little kids. But, every night I come home to a wrecked house, and demands for dinner. They ask me why I have to go to work, and tell me how they hate my job and it's all my job's fault that they can't go on a post-Easter egg hunt, or watch Power Rangers or God knows what else.

I just feel completely isolated and alone. I am lonely. I don't think anyone was meant to raise children partner-less, and that is not exactly what I'm facing but it might as well be. I realize that I am engaging in a great big ol' pity party but how could I not? My life is lived a half step in front of disaster, and therefore the kids are living this way too - I'm just hopeful that they never know this.

And I doubt I will ever be able to write a coherent and flowing self-pitying post because even while I type this, my daughter stands behind me singing songs about "Mommy and Me." The point is that I need to have some kind of sustainable epiphany, something that will be enough to allow my children to remain oblivious to Mommy's disintegration.