sugar free

It is going to be hard for me to write anything today that contains any sugar coating, or more succinctly, bullshit. Not that I ever do write crap, but just right now - I am in a certain mood with a certain amount of agression welling up in my body and I really need to let it out. I have been consistently and steadily sabotaging things in my life, and I really don’t feel the need to stop at this blog. However, even in this mood, I can’t come right out and write about the troubling nature of this day. So fuck it. At least I wrote something and didn’t just blow the whole goddamned thing off for another week.

Monkey, My Girly Girl

Monkey is near obssessed with shoes and make-up. I swear to God that she didn’t get this from me.

Baby Talks

Winston still babbles a lot, but some things she says so clearly - such as, You’re Welcome. Whenever I give her something, she says, You’re Welcome. Whenever I come swooping in for a big hug and a kiss, she says, I Love You Too. Sometimes she’ll come swooping in to me the same way and say, I Love You.

Tall

I realized this morning that Bear is not far off from being my height. He’s gotten so tall so quickly, and God. So soon. He’s only 7 and a half for Christ’s sake. When did he start growing up????

The Laughter of Heaven

Bear has been having some trouble lately with the loss of his Grandmother. My father and I have reached a point where we no longer show visible signs of our grief - at least not to the kids. My father will tell me how he’s spent the morning at my mother’s grave, crying, talking - but to the kids everything is moving along. Monkey, too, has told me that she misses Grandma. My mother has been gone for ten months. Granted, that’s not a lot of time for such a big loss, but I’m surprised that the kids are bringing this up now as young as they are.

Bear told me a story last night of how - just after he turned five - and long before Winston was born, he dreamt that we were all sitting in the living room and Grandma disappeared suddenly. He heard growling and laughter: the growling, he said, came from Sammy at her surprise of Grandma’s disappearance (Sammy came into our family when Winston was 6 months old but I didn’t point that out to Bear); the laughter was from Heaven. I might not have done such a great job at that point in his story of containing my tears. Bear is very quick to point out that when he dreams of Grandma now, or remembers her, he only remembers the good things. I wonder about this. Does he actually remember bad things and he doesn’t want to admit it?

Bad Behavior has blocked 767 access attempts in the last 7 days.