Kangatopia

At work this morning, I received this email:

Call out Gouranga be happy!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga
That which brings the highest happiness…

Just because of its bizarre, yet still identifiably, spam-like quality, I forwarded it to our tech support guy who confirmed that it is, indeed, spam - as he received it yesterday. Personally, I just think it’s really cool and well timed.

Last night it was just me and the baby. If I could work one thing into our schedule, it would be that one child and I have some one on one time on a regular basis - as in the 3rd Tuesday is Winston and Mommy, the 2nd Monday is Monkey and Mommy and the 1st Wednesday is Bear and Mommy. Something like that. Each child needs one on one time both with me and their father. I really enjoy those nights when it’s just me and one child, and I would bet they do too.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 24th, 2006 at 10:27 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Just in case it wasn’t immediately apparent:  I’m taking a break.  I’m all out of ways to say things without actually saying them, and since I appreciate the quality of being discrete (even if I’m shit at practicing it), I haven’t had anything to write about that wouldn’t break the taboos that have been set up.  I’m too busy, depressed, stressed, lazy etc.  What I need is not a vacation, but a new way of looking at things.  I’ve been reading this book, Freedom’s Way, and while it helps me momentarily, I haven’t figured out how to sustain the revelations I have while reading it.  I need to figure something out because what I’ve been feeling lately just isn’t good.

Conversely, my parenting skills seem to have gotten a very postive boost.  I’ve got lots of good influences around me these days, and good influences are just what I need.  Now, if those same influences could influence me to pull my head out of my ass and deal with the things that are making me personally miserable…  At least, I have identified what I’m using to feel miserable and I have also come to terms with the concept that I am more guarded than previously believed.  I don’t want to discuss these things with anyone other than my therapist, and some of them I can’t bring myself to talk about even with her except in indirect ways.  The cures are the provacateurs.  Or the disease.

So, even though I didn’t intend this post to be another explanation of why I suspect I am deeply neurotic, it has become thus.  I have to whine a little to get to the other stuff.

Last night I made these little peanut butter, wheat germ and honey balls for Jack who is quarantined just at the moment.  (The truth is far more interesting than the evasion, but I can’t tell you what’s going on out of respect for his privacy.)  I added blueberries against the advice of the recipe, and may have distorted the tastyness just a bit for the healthy goodness.

Monkey has become quite the orator.  Her one liners are pretty gosh darned mature for a 4 year old.  Winston, too, has picked up speed on her verbal communication skills.  I always want to cheer when she says “okay” in response to any yes/no question.  Bear is officially on his way to the King Tut exhibit in Chicago in June.  Now, I just have to decide which liquor store to knock over.

Maybe if some blessed goddess or muse smiles beneavolently on me, I will find inspiration for blogging again.  But, just for now, I am on my dinner break.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 at 5:17 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Today is my baby bear’s birthday.  Last night Jack blew up something like 57 balloons to festoon the floor, we decorated the kitchen and we made cupcakes for both his classmates and kids in his cub scout den.  Tonight, Jack, my ex-husband, my dad, the girls and I are going to welcome Bear into his 8th year with a little party.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 9th, 2006 at 5:30 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

And I’m not ripping off the NPR show.

Baby Bear is turning 8 tomorrow. I can’t afford to throw him a big party, so I’m trying to make up for it by surprising him at every turn with cupcakes (school, cub scout meeting) and a family party tomorrow night. It also looks like he’s going to be jetting off to my brother’s place in Ohio over the summer to see if it’s any greener over there. I’m trying to keep that last bit of news on the down-low just in case it doesn’t happen, but I’m also trying to let him know that hey! you’re going to have a cool gig over the summer so don’t fret about the lack of a party now.

What news? What news? We took the kids to see Nanny McPhee over the weekend. Taking my queues from Movie Mom, I asked Bear and Monkey why they thought Nanny McPhee’s appearance changed over the course of her lessons to the children. Neither one of them had a theory, but later almost out of the blue - Bear asked me why I thought she changed. We talked about different ideas - maybe the children in the movie needed to see her as ugly and horrid in order to appreciate the person she actually was, maybe she was an angel, maybe she never really changed at all and as the children came to see her as a wonderful person with the best of intentions so does the audience.

What else? Scouting for Food began this past weekend. The scouts leave bags on doorsteps and then hopefully the following weekend they will be able to pick up the bags filled with food that can be donated to a local food pantry and homeless shelter. Bear and his friend worked out a great little system in order to canvass their section of the neighborhood.

Winston’s language skills are improving. Every object or noun ends in y. Bath-y, sod-y, song-y. She mimics her brother and sister, but her own personality is emerging in the process. I can almost hold an entire conversation with her now.

Monkey is growing into a very forceful personality. She’s learned how to get her way with many things. She wages battle, I choose the ones I’ll fight. But, there is balance. She wants to please, and she tries hard to hold her place in our little system. For example, we walk in the door, I throw my keys on a chair, she moves them to the kitchen counter so that they won’t get lost. She is incredibly intelligent, equally beautiful, and perfectly sweet.

Every single day I thank God for my children.

Several months ago I began searching for something: peace of mind; clarity of vision; acceptance and fortitude. I haven’t found it yet. In some ways I laid down the search for a little while to attend to my children and day to day life. But, just as I’ve become dependent on the workouts I try to enjoy regularly, I’ve found that continuing on this other, spiritual journey is absolutely necessary.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 at 1:30 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

My job can be really bloody exhausting at times.

8am is an unreasonably early hour to begin any working day.

Getting up before dawn every goddamned day is not a healthy thing.

Today is St. Bridget’s Day (Happy St. Bridget’s Day!!!) and for me, at least, it passed unnoticed… again.

Maybe I should scare up some good Bridget stories and tell them to the kids.

Goddamn.  I’m exhausted.  I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for too long.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 1st, 2006 at 8:22 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.