Kangatopia

Today, I read my horoscope and it said fun is fun, but come on - stop all that fucking around and get to work. I thought, cool. Finally, my horoscope is telling me what I’ve been telling myself all along.

I have a real addiction going on match.com. I’m not really all that interested in hooking up with anyone right now, though it would be nice to get laid every once in a while, but with match I feel a little bit relieved in a not so nice way that I am not, apparently, the only person in the western hemisphere who can’t sustain a relationship. I’ve started emailing random people, anyone really, who says anything even just a tiny bit remarkable in their profile. I especially liked the profile of the 45 year old hard core vegetarian, animal rights guy (who reminds me a little of my Birkenstock clad, 42 year old brother) who had pictures up of the 7 wonders of the world with himself photoshopped in strategic positions. I laughed until I wet my pants, and then emailed him to thank him. He probably thought I was being sarcastic.

There was another guy, a self described country boy who does country boy “stuff”, who said, very seriously, that he wanted a dumb woman. So, I emailed him and thanked him for being honest.

It’s not even a slow day at work, but I take these little 5 minute breaks to keep my brain engaged before it picks up its synapses and walks off the job.

I’ve also been torturing myself by reading my ex-boyfriend’s blog. I’m trying to stop that too, but you know: I’m all about self-flagellation. I actually muttered out loud to myself a minute ago as I was checking to see if he’d updated, “you’re driving yourself crazy.”

And I am. The ex-boyfriend, I’m sure, probably wishes he never met me… or at least, it’s helpful if I keep telling myself that. It would be terrific if someone could actually develop the technology to wipe our brains clear of a specific set of thoughts and memories a la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I know the point of that movie was that those memories and experiences are valuable regardless of how difficult, but still.

On Friday I went to another building on campus and some guy held a door open for me. Then, he struck up a conversation and asked for my phone number. I couldn’t think of a graceful way to decline, so I gave it to him, told him I have 3 kids and that my schedule is so packed right now (this is all true by the way) that I won’t be able to do anything socially until mid-June. I doubt very much he’ll call.

This afternoon the battery on my car died. The roadside service guy who jumped it was really nice, and I thought… no. I can hold out for a good thing to get laid again. I think. God, I hope so.

Jesus.