Kangatopia

And I’m telling you that has got to end. I do not like green eggs and ham sleeping alone on cold nights when the rain is coming down, and the weather is getting icy, and my kids all sleep in their own beds and in their own rooms. I have a bed. I want to share it.

Yes, this message has an intended reader. I just didn’t want there to be any mistake, or for anyone to think that a Kanga alone in her own bed is always a happy Kanga. Sometimes Kanga likes being alone, but not every Goddamned night.

Just so we’re clear.

The weather has gone all crazy. That joke about “if you don’t like the weather in Texas just wait a minute” was no huckster attempt at humor last night. We went into the grocery store and it was 75 degrees. We came out an hour later and it was 60. During the ten minute drive to our next stop, the outside temperature dropped another 13 degrees. Now it’s 30 or something outside and snowy. That (snow, that is) almost never happens here. We might even accumulate a quarter of an inch!

So, Shep has been sick, and last night he insisted on playing hockey in spite of his flu-like symptoms. This morning he sent me a bit he read online (on this site. John Buccigross is a bona fide genius.) wherein a guy writes in about how his girlfriend doesn’t understand his love for hockey.

Here is the resultant exchange.

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From: shep
Date: November 30, 2006 10:25:21 AM CST
To: kanga
Subject: Please read carefully…

Dear Mr. B:

Am I in love with the woman I am dating?

I mean, I have missed two Sharks games in a row so I could be with her.

Even worse, I can listen to a truly horrific song on the radio like Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” WITHOUT going into convulsions.
Please help!
Mark

Turn in your NHL fan card, your music fan card and your man card, Mark. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. The girl of your dreams would never take you away from hockey. She would feed you pucks on Lake Ontario until her arms fell off. Move to Ontario immediately, wait for the lake to freeze and find true love, Mark.

You are not in love, Mark. You are being seduced by Satan himself. Run. Run very fast and don’t stop until you see “Welcome to Port Hope.”

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From: kanga
Date: November 30, 2006 10:33:51 AM CST
To: shep
Subject: Re: Please read carefully…

Maybe you should send Mr. B this email:

Dear Mr. B:

I love the woman I am dating, I think. She got a little pissy when I insisted on playing hockey with a fever of 103. She kept saying I was going to get pneumonia and die. Now, I am starting to wonder if she really loves me.

What do you think?

Hacking in Texas

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From: shep
Date: November 30, 2006 12:05:27 PM CST
To: kanga
Subject: RE: Please read carefully…

Yeah - I can see you just don’t understand.

Oh well, I’m off to Ontario to find a less selfish girl that does.

Wish me luck?

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So, there it is, Folks. Shep has gone off to Canada and I am left to face this bad weather alone in my empty bed with nothing but a flu infested extra pillow for company. Any takers on keeping me warm and feeling loved? I promise to wash the pillow case.

Hello??

Hello???

Damn.