Kangatopia

So, here’s the update on the home front. Shep and I will survive and be happy. I am going to put some muscle into it, and have decided to refuse to accept things any other way. Except that he’s been so sick lately and utterly consumed by the aches and pains of the flu, I think he’s in agreement. Therefore, I am calling a temporary hiatus on long, tearful posts.

And on to more interesting things

That is, I am now going to try to get myself into shape. Daylight savings time starts again soon, and that will be the official kick off (for me) of Cycling Season 2007 – wherein I try my best to not develop heart disease before I’m at the very least over the age of 82.

Where things left off

By December, I had lost about 40 pounds and had another 33 to go to meet my goal. Since that time, I have gained back approximately 7 and now have 40 pounds to lose to meet my eventual goal. 40 in 2006, 40 in 2007. I’m sorta hopeful to get it all over with by June, but realistically I’m sure it will take longer than that.

Cholesterol

Having recently watched a program on heart disease, Shep has become very concerned with his cholesterol intake. Thing is, last time it was checked last August, his LDL cholesterol (the bad kind) was really low, and his HDL (the good kind) was high. These are levels most people aspire to have. Shep eats a high fiber, meatless, low dairy diet and with all the hockey, cycling and sex gets a substantial amount of exercise, so it all stands to reason. Last time my levels were checked in October, my LDL was a little high, but my HDL very high. This year I want to tip the scales in favor of low LDL, high HDL and I have until October (when I’ll test it again) to get this sorted. This will mean that I am going to cut most of the meat from my diet, and try to cut back on cheese and other dairy, such as ice cream. I reckon that since I don’t want to give up my ice cream habit, I’ll probably start buying Whole Foods’s stocks of Soy Dream, or whatever the hell it’s called. It’s not wonderfully tasty like Blue Bell or Ben and Jerry’s, but it’ll do in a pinch.

Muscle Mass

I have been getting out on the occasional ride over the last little while. My general speed seems only slightly lower, but judging by the readings on the low performing, dirty white scale in my bathroom and how my clothes are fitting – my muscle mass has dissolved and been replaced by winter fat. This is not good. I look bad. I feel bad.

The Kids

My children do not need or want a grumpy, obese mommy. Monkey and I talk about bad foods, and how sugar makes you feel bad and gives you a fat tummy. She remarkably has picked up on and practices basic tenets of nutrition. Sugar is bad. Vegetables are good. Butter is bad. Fried foods are deadly. So is McDonalds. Sodas, even diet ones, will not eliminate a fat tummy. I’m curious to see how much of this she will retain and continue to observe.

It’s a bright, sunshiny day

Daylight savings time kicks in soon, and this will mean that I will have time to get out on the bike regularly. Not one to count my chickens too hastily, I should say that I am very hopeful to get out on my bike regularly. Then, I will try to resolve to write more about losing weight, getting healthy and what it feels like to ride down a really steep hill really fast.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 22nd, 2007 at 5:06 pm and is filed under Health, 2006, Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Due to the lovely weather of the last couple of days, I am for what feels like the first time enjoying spending time downstairs at the computer without wondering when frost bite is going to set in.  However, there is no time to write tonight as I have just spent a little time whipping up low fat, low cholesterol, high fiber, high in antioxidents blueberry muffin batter for Bear in the morning.  I’ll bake them for breakfast and so it is early to bed, early to rise for the Mama Bear.

Bear takes his first state mandated standardized test in the morning.  If he fails, he apparently flunks third grade.  Or, at least, this is what he has been told and I’m fairly certain I’ve heard this too.  He’s stressed out, keyed up and all for going to bed early tonight to get a good night’s sleep.  He voluntarily chose to go to bed at least fifteen minutes before the usual lights out.

I am completely confident in Bear’s ability to pass this test.  His math scores are slipping a little this year, but he is a bright kid.  This may be a classic parent thing, but I am pretty damn certain that the school system, his teachers, and all the authority figures at school that hold influence over his developing mind have set his nerves on a tightrope.

This standardized testing is one of the things that confuses me about the educational system.  Standardized tests should be used solely as a benchmark, a health check of the educational system - not the core of the curriculum.  Still, I am not an expert on the expectations of the state or federal government and why this has been instituted.  I am also way too wrapped up in just trying to get through the day to care.  Bear will pass, of that I am sure and for right now that gives me once less thing to worry over.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 11:33 pm and is filed under Bear Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I’ve lost my sanity and am in the process of losing my soul. It looks like this is the end with Shep. I really don’t have any faith in myself, or my ability to get through this. So, unless things turn around, or I somehow find some sort of strength, the posts here are going to be solely about the kids or non-personal crap or how fucking awful I feel. It’s going to be a maudlin run with the exception of what might be written about the kids. I’ve stepped into a very dark tunnel and am going to launch the auto-pilot feature of my personality so that I can continue to work and mommy.

I asked my friend, Douglas, if this wasn’t all too personal and he said the personal was far more authentic. So here it is. The personal. Kanga tries to survive another break-up.  God help me, this one is going to be the hardest of all.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 16th, 2007 at 2:23 pm and is filed under Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

We’ve talked.  There were tears, some raised voices, lots of unhappiness.  We are going to try.  We are going to work this out.  I mean it when I say I can’t imagine life without him.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 11th, 2007 at 7:19 pm and is filed under General, Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I have to give him a lot of credit. He has tried really hard with me. He walked into a situation that needed repair. He saw that we needed him, and that he could help us.

I was floundering, trying to make a life out of not very much. I was living poor financially and emotionally. Life had become a series of tasks, and moments of joy and happiness were hard to find. When I fell in love with him, I thought that maybe I could trust him to not hurt me. I could believe him when he said he wanted to try. I still trust him, and I completely believe him. The problem is me. I was never convinced that he would want this. I had 3 kids, no money, and almost no support. I was drained when he found me, my confidence had fallen face down and been knocked unconscious.

Last night after we talked about whether we were really okay together, he got up to go back to his house. I pointed out that it was not going to be possible for us to work out our problems if we always retreated when they came up. So, he stayed. He went downstairs to the sub-freezing living room and watched tv. Then, he came back up and slept with me. In the morning he left without a word, but came back a little later and ran errands with us. He had things of his own to do in the afternoon, but returned in the evening. Now, he is upstairs and in bed and snoring. I know what’s happened. I pointed out that he shouldn’t leave me when we’re in trouble – just as he does not want me to run away when I feel hurt, as I am prone to do.

I don’t know what to do now. I love him. I am completely in love with him. He has single-handedly transformed all of our lives just by giving us love, kindness, compassion. To lose him is unthinkable and yet, I stay down here with my head in my hands shutting myself down.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 11th, 2007 at 12:43 am and is filed under Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.