Kangatopia

Today has been a surprisingly productive day. I biked around the lake a couple of times, then went on a quick neighborhood run afterwards so that I could claim 1,000 calories expended via the advanced technology of my heart rate monitor. By the time I got around to taking it off, it had totaled up 1,050. So, that, coupled with a low intake of food has brought my consumption for today to almost 800 calories, and my expenditure is at 3,500. I guess I should mention that I didn’t get a lot to eat today because I was busy with the kids and the cycling and the running and the working on repairing my relationship stuff. Yes, Shep and I have lasted another day but we’re taking bets from interested parties on how much longer we can be nice to one another.  Anyway, I took the kids to a pizza buffet for dinner as a sort of thank you for not a single child falling into the lake while Shep and I took turns winding our way around it, and decided to not blow my diet on crap I didn’t want to put down my throat anyway. By the time we got home it was late, and all I could justify eating was something that would actually digest and that turned out to be some applesauce (huh. applesauce is one word, is it? dividing it as two words looks wrong) and fruit.

Back to the Shep thing, though. I will probably write more about how we can’t seem to keep our relationship together, but the truth is that we genuinely love each other. It’s just all the other stuff that tends to make the going a little bit harder for us… raising the kids (now, that’s a shocker. Who knew raising children could be hard on a relationship?), dealing with the ex and my, ahem, eccentric father, and of course, putting up with each other’s quirks. We might not be okay, but we are going to try our best. In spite of his many flaws, I really do love him and can’t imagine living out the rest of my life without him. I think, actually, I might have written that last sentence before, so there it is: it must be true.

Now, if you will excuse me, Monkey is having nightmares about a dead fish the three of them found floating in the water this afternoon. I guess that means that Bodyworlds is definitely out for her.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 31st, 2007 at 11:49 pm and is filed under Health, 2007, Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I’m losing steam on writing about this weight loss thing, but I am going to keep plugging away because otherwise I would have one hand wrapped around a Frosty and the other holding a tight grip on a white plastic spoon.

I’ve consumed about 800 calories today (though the day isn’t over yet.  I am alone and bored and lonely and my relationship with the one person in the world who appears to be able to put up with my shit without running screaming off into the distance is tanking.  So, basically, that means that a binge is not too far out of reach.  I have a bucket of frozen daquiri mix in the freezer that I mixed up with about half a bottle of rum a month ago and never got around to drinking.  Not to mention that I now live in a thriving, not horribly suburban, metropolis and there are liquor stores and fast food dives all over the bloody place.)  At last half-hearted count, I’ve expended about 2,500.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 30th, 2007 at 9:57 pm and is filed under Health, 2007, Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Like tonight when it’s raining pretty damn hard - enough to ruin any chance that I might get out and ride a rally in the morning - and no one is around, I think things like:

Wow. I’ve really fucked up my life, and I keep fucking it up! And I’m so fucking gleeful about it. Christ, I love Leonard Cohen. This blog is really boring. Who gives a flying fuck how many calories I consume? But, then, I’m not writing this for anyone other than myself so I think I’ll begin and end each post with the word, fuck. What a great word that is. I wonder if Shep and I are going to make it through the weekend without breaking up. Probably not. I’m so goddamned tired of all this.

And it goes on and on and on.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 30th, 2007 at 9:45 pm and is filed under Just Mommy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I ran out of vinegar at work today, so instead of going out and trying to find low calorie fare at one of a handful of fast food joints in the area, I decided to drive home and eat the salad in the comfort of my own rocking chair while watching some silly soap opera on tv. My mom used to watch the ABC soap operas pretty much from about the time of pre-conception of her kids until she died, so I’m kind of familiar with most of the characters and it’s always nice to see the same people playing out the same re-hashed plots. The days of “Luke and Laura” storylines which captivated a nation of enslaved housewives disappeared along with the term, “housewife”, almost a whole generation ago.

So, I ate the salad and had some unsweetened applesauce for dessert. I justified the applesauce because the fresh jalapeno pepper in the salad kind of made my mouth feel icky. Jalapenos and that fresh minty feeling don’t really match up. I even brushed my teeth, and still the pepper lingers.

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Later…

Bear is starting to show signs now of suffering with regard to the divorce. Or maybe he’s just 9 and he behaves like every other 9 year old out there. Tonight, when I picked him up from his grandfather’s house (who had picked him up from school), he screamed at me over and over that he hates me, that I am ruining his life, that I am mean and he is going to call the police because I don’t want him to be happy. This because he wanted to spend the night with his grandfather, but his grandfather needed to rest and so said no.

I really did not know what to do, so I did what seemed like the best idea. I didn’t raise my voice. I didn’t threaten to put him out on the side of the road once we were in the car and headed for home. I simply, quietly and calmly told him to pick up his backpack and get in the car (he’d been throwing his backpack around in anger.) As he raged at me in the car, I calmly, quietly and simply explained that his grandfather is tired and his father is working late. (For those of you who don’t know, my ex-husband lives with my father.) I told him that even though he hates me, I love him very much and am trying to take very good care of him. Once we arrived home, I sent him to his room. At dinner he brought me a note of apology, but after dinner I sent him straight back upstairs to get ready for bed and then sent him to bed early. No yelling (from me), no harsh words, just simple directions. Once he was in bed, I talked to him about his apology but I warned him that apologies don’t always make up for hurtful things said in anger. I also talked to him again about why he doesn’t see his dad as much as he would like (not because of the custody agreement so much as his father’s work schedule). I don’t think Bear understands but at least he calmed down and the apology was great.

Did I handle this okay? This was one of those situations where I felt like I had been shoved out of a plane without a parachute and the ground was coming fast.

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Later….

1,000 calories consumed; 2,600 expended.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 29th, 2007 at 2:29 pm and is filed under Bear Stories, Health, 2007. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

I weighed this morning just for funsies and I’m down 7 pounds. The real tip off came when I found that my clothes are fitting better.

Today we had another seminar and there were about a dozen cookies and a pound of cheese remaining when the room cleared of people. I dutifully loaded it all up and left it in the office kitchen, but not until I got rid of as much as I could by spreading a little cookie and cheese love to strangers while en route.

I ate the salad again today in the comforting spirit of routine, and I’m considering eating the apple that has been sitting on a bookshelf above my desk for the last week and a half. Right now, though, I’m just kind of sitting in a chair staring blankly into space and thinking about how great it would be to go for a bike ride after work. I expend more calories on an average bike ride than I do working out at a gym. I guess I work harder on a bike, but I almost never feel that I am unless it’s hot enough outside to bake one’s brain.

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Later….

906 calories consumed, 2,637 calories expended - and I’m not going to bed hungry.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 28th, 2007 at 11:59 am and is filed under Health, 2007. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.