Kangatopia

I rode to the lake this evening to keep from snapping. The kids had gone to their dad’s to fulfill their court ordered time with him. I had tried talking to him calmly to describe why it is important that he clean up the house he has fouled. I attempted to explain that the kids’ health and safety is dependent on a sanitary environment, and that the role model he sets is harming them. My efforts were ignored, leaving my stress levels high. Each time the kids go to their dad’s house I panic. I don’t want them there, but I feel I have little choice unless I take the huge risk of involving the courts - and it may come to that soon. So, I rode to the lake angry. I had hoped the exercise would calm me down, but as I rode the anger seemed to build instead of dissapate. Too much time to think possibly. Too many hormones rising up maybe. And then, shamefully, I snapped. I yelled at a guy with a baby trailer who was too close to the center line. Instead of slowing down until I could safely get around them, I attempted to pass but I was forced to the left into the path of another cyclist. I thought afterwards that I should go back and apologize, but I decided against it. It was insane road rage, except on a bike. I am deeply shamed.