Kangatopia

Getting back into the routine is keeping us all very busy, so I am just now able to write about Monkey’s special day this past Monday. She turned 6 years old, and she went to Kindergarten that day all set to share cookies with her friends and classmates and to be the special star of the day. Unfortunately, however, at about lunch time she launched into a coughing fit so severe, her teacher sent her to the school nurse and the school nurse called me to take her home. She was running a fever and would have to miss a day of school the next day too. Shep picked her up from school and took her with him to run errands. I think she really enjoyed it. When we all got home that night, the kids had Monkey’s choice of dinner – happy meals, and cupcakes for dessert that Monkey and Shep made together. She and I frosted them when I got home. She received a ballerina music box and some jewelry to go in it for her birthday, and she’ll get more presents over the weekend. All in all I think she had a lovely day.

Monkey’s mommy has been so stressed that planning Monkey’s birthday party hasn’t been very easy. I’m hoping to pull something together that won’t leave Monkey feeling like a middle child.

In other news I am checking realtor.com almost daily, and have been touring houses up for rent. I’ve been to one apartment complex, but ruled it out when they told me their rates. I really don’t want to live in another apartment, but they are looking much better as I see what I can afford in the rental home market. I saw one house yesterday that’s actually pretty nice in a condo with slightly upscale apartment grade materials kind of way, but just over what I can afford. The owner seems to be fairly hesitant to deal with maintenance too, so I’m not sure how much of a risk I want to take with it. I saw another house after that which I definitely can afford, but it was a horrible dump. The only part of it that had been updated or fixed up since it was built in ’72 was the flooring. It has cheap laminate flooring on the first floor, and relatively nice looking Berber carpet on the second floor. The realtor had wisely placed a cinnamon scented air freshener on the kitchen counter to mask the initial sensory assault of the gallons of bug spray that had apparently been used to deal with an infestation.

Going through a break-up is not unlike the flu. I’ve been finding myself having spontaneous reactions to emotions that I didn’t realize were as close to the surface as they are. I don’t want to eat, or sleep. So, I guess if you draw an analogy between sudden crying jags and vomiting coupled with a lack of desire to eat, then I guess emotional upheaval is like the flu. Not sleeping and losing my shit without much provocation is more like losing one’s mind.

Everyone tells me that I put way too much about my life on this blog. So, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve kind of mellowed out on all that. The truth is that there is a lot that I don’t talk about, and therefore don’t write, because I can’t think of a good way to not write about the stuff I really need to vent. You probably didn’t even realize that Shep and I are finished, did you? I am really sad. I really wanted to marry him, and I thought he wanted to marry me. Turns out I am way too fucked up for that, and Shep reckons that a life with me will be a life of misery. When Shep and I got together, I was still trying to heal from the last relationship I destroyed. I wasn’t ready for anything new and so we were doomed from the beginning, I guess. It should be pretty sufficient for me to say now that Kanga probably needs a nice, healthful rest at a sanitarium, but what Kanga will get is a new place to live and a great big dose of soul crippling heartbreak.