Too many long, quiet nights

I am sort of going through a phase right now, mostly related to my ability to sleep - insomnia, restlessness. It would sound like a case of classic depression, except that I am not depressed. Or, at least, not anymore since I started medication. [insert winky smiley here]

There is this one song by Leonard Cohen that I love. I’ve actually never heard his performance of it, only a cover. I’m a little afraid that I’ll dislike the way he’s produced it - much in the same way that I prefer John Cale’s version of “Hallelujah” over his original. The words, however, resonate deeply, and not just with me, I suspect.

Stories of the Street
The stories of the street are mine,the Spanish voices laugh.
The Cadillacs go creeping now through the night and the poison gas,
and I lean from my window sill in this old hotel I chose,
yes one hand on my suicide, one hand on the rose.
I know you’ve heard it’s over now and war must surely come,
the cities they are broke in half and the middle men are gone.
But let me ask you one more time, O children of the dusk,
All these hunters who are shrieking now oh do they speak for us?

And where do all these highways go, now that we are free?
Why are the armies marching still that were coming home to me?
O lady with your legs so fine O stranger at your wheel,
You are locked into your suffering and your pleasures are the seal.

The age of lust is giving birth, and both the parents ask
the nurse to tell them fairy tales on both sides of the glass.
And now the infant with his cord is hauled in like a kite,
and one eye filled with blueprints, one eye filled with night.

O come with me my little one, we will find that farm
and grow us grass and apples there and keep all the animals warm.
And if by chance I wake at night and I ask you who I am,
O take me to the slaughterhouse, I will wait there with the lamb.

With one hand on the hexagram and one hand on the girl
I balance on a wishing well that all men call the world.
We are so small between the stars, so large against the sky,
and lost among the subway crowds I try to catch your eye.

I’ve netflixed “Factory Girl” as I’ve recently dredged up a long, quiet fascination with Edie Sedgwick. I’m sure I’ll have more to say, or not say in this blog as is generally the case, once I’ve actually watched it.

I rode my bike today for the first long ride since last fall. It’s fitting as daylight savings time began again today, though that really had nothing to do with it. I just happened to have a few hours free and the weather didn’t completely suck. It’s funny to me how I can ride for two hours straight and burn as many calories as if I went to the gym. I don’t notice the time unless I have somewhere to be, or something is aching. However, I couldn’t work out at the gym for two hours straight without going out of my mind with boredom.

Huh… Point taken.

Feeling blue? Heart sometimes works better than a pill

by Kelli Renfrow

09:44 AM CDT on Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Sometimes, when I’m driving around on a dark day wondering where it all went wrong, I decide I’m going to give in and take the pills.

Antidepressants, that is.

Maybe you just can’t hang on in our culture without them.

A recent study by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that antidepressants are the most commonly prescribed drugs in the country.

I confess; I’ve talked to my doctor about it.

At each annual exam, we conclude the same way.

Everything checks out, she says. Anything I’d like to discuss?

Well, yes, I say. At times, my mood is this. My energy level is that. My stresses are these.

Time for pills?

She listens with compassion and says: No.

Eat right, get more rest, exercise and try a multivitamin.

In my case, I know she’s right.

At least medically speaking.

And when I follow her advice, the physical aspects of stress lessen and tend to stop complicating the emotional aspects of the blues.

(I’m only talking about the occasional bout that’s endemic to the human condition, not the kind that requires professional treatment.)

Now, what to do about those emotional tidal waves that crash into me at times and make me feel like I’m, well, losing it?

The bigger picture

It’s time to think about it in larger terms than whether I’ll adopt a prescription lifestyle.

Perhaps a prescription is enticing, because it seems easy, fast and convenient.

Words that once described a microwave now describe everything about us, and I fear we’re nuking our souls with the drugs we use to keep a grip.

But I don’t think we’re sad because we’re busy. I think we’re bored.

Bored because everything is easy, fast and convenient. Though we do more, less of it fully engages our imagination and talents.

Our creative spirits have been trampled in the wake of our multitasking extravaganza.

Personal renaissance

It’s time for a personal renaissance: art for the artist’s sake.

Naturally, the obstacles of time and money immediately arise. But in my life, I’m beginning to see that this can be a matter of perspective.

While being busy has its own costs, the resources it takes to cope add up, too. I’ve spent a lot on Band-Aids rather than finding a remedy. The irony is that I’ve had to learn to waste time and money in a productive way.

Finding ways to express your creativity seems to require figuring out what you enjoy.

For me, writing and cake decorating turned out to be winners. But learning to sew was a disaster.

The failures won’t lessen the value of figuring out what it is that gives you the chance to throw yourself into something wholeheartedly.

And, really, it is the heart’s question we have to answer.

There’s no pill for that.

On the contrary, the pills we might call a cure probably are trying to silence that nagging voice that urges us to become more complete, to fire on all cylinders.

But in one of life’s elegant twists, exploring our creative sides reveals creative ways to fight off the blues.

And that’s a side effect I’d much rather risk.

Kelli Renfrow works in the marketing department of The Dallas Morning News.

How sweet the optimism

Click here for the link.

Message in bottle: Marriage meant to be

Mon Oct 1, 4:39 AM ET

RACINE, Wis. - Melody Kloska and Matt Behrs take it as a sign they were meant to get married.

After tying the knot on a Lake Michigan beach on Aug. 18, they released a bottle containing their wedding vows. A few weeks later, the bottle was found by Fred and Lynnette Dubendorf, of Mears, Mich., who were also married on a beach — exactly 28 years before Kloska and Behrs.

“It was meant to be,” Kloska said. “This was a sign to me.”

Kloska, 46, and Behrs, 41, have been together for five years, but with several failed marriages between them, they had doubts about remarrying.

They finally did it in a sunrise ceremony near the Wind Point Lighthouse in Wind Point in southern Wisconsin. They invited a few guests, read their own vows and released two balloons.

When it was time to throw the bottle sealed with their name, address and wedding vows into the lake, Behrs went to the rock farthest out in the water.

He threw it underhand, but the bottle landed back on the sand where Kloska was standing.

“After laughing so hard, I tossed it back to him to release it again into the lake,” she said. “It landed not too far from where he threw it. My thought was that with our luck, it would wind up in front of the house next-door to the lighthouse.”

Instead, it floated across Lake Michigan and landed in the path of Lynnette Dubendorf, who was scanning the beach for trash to clean up while she walked her dogs. She spied the clear plastic bottle partially buried in the sand and noticed the note inside.

“I opened it and read it and said, `Oh, this is pretty cool, it’s somebody’s wedding vows,’” she said. “I thought, `Wow, how funny, we were married on the beach, too, and on the same day.’”

She initially didn’t plan to respond, thinking an answer would only encourage people to toss litter into the lake.

“Then I thought, `That’s selfish, I really should respond,’” she said. So she wrote Kloska and Behrs to tell them of her discovery.

The letter read, “We thought you would want to know where your message in a bottle ended up! We picked it up on the beach between Pentwater and Silver Lake on Sept. 19. An ironic note, we were also married on the beach! Here in Michigan by Pentwater. Even more ironic, it was on August 18, 1979. We wish you both the best of luck in your new lives together.”

Behrs and Kloska had to read the letter several times to believe it. Kloska was surprised the bottle made it across the lake.

“I took it to mean that there’s hope yet,” she said.

Oh, come on now, who hasn’t been so broke that they did this too?

Click here for the link.

FOND DU LAC, Wisconsin (AP) — Someone is either too cheap to buy his own toilet paper or planning a big prank.

Fond du Lac County Executive Allen Buechel said someone has been repeatedly stealing toilet paper from the men’s public bathrooms at the Fond du Lac City County Government Center since June.

Buechel suspects the person comes in once or twice a week around midday and gets about six rolls a week from dispensers. Some rolls weren’t even full, he said.

The thefts haven’t been a big loss.

“We don’t buy the best toilet paper,” Buechel said.

He expects the thief to get caught. “Someone is going to walk in on him when he’s doing it and we’ll catch him,” he said.

Courthouse officials are on the lookout for suspicious activity.

County sheriff Capt. Dean Will didn’t return a call for comment Friday.

Oh, the Irony!

By Diane Mapes

Click here for the link.

They say that truth is stranger than fiction. And while we’re not exactly sure when that phrase was coined, we’re guessing it was after reading about these guys and gals.

1. Thomas Hardy
When British poet and novelist Thomas Hardy died on January 11, 1928, his literary contemporaries decided he was too important to be buried in his hometown’s simple churchyard.

But the good people of Dorset, where Hardy had spent nearly all of his 88 years, vehemently disagreed. So the two groups reached a grisly compromise.

The author’s body was cremated, and his ashes were interred in the Poet’s Corner of Westminster Abbey. Hardy’s heart, on the other hand, was placed inside a small casket and buried beside the grave of his first wife in a Dorset churchyard.

To this day, a rumor persists that the author’s heart was accidentally devoured by his housekeeper’s cat, and that the heart of a pig was buried in its place.

2. Horatio Alger, Jr.

Apparently, the author of more than 120 “rags-to-riches” books featuring hard-working, highly moral young heroes was also an admitted pederast.

Before finding success as an author, Alger was a minister at a Unitarian Church in Brewster, Massachusetts, where he was accused of sexually assaulting two young boys. Alger admitted his guilt, but left town before the news hit the street.

Later, he wound up in New York City, where he penned hundreds of best-selling books for and about young boys, which went on to grace the shelves of homes, schools and church libraries across America.

3. Sherwood Anderson
Best known for his collection of short stories, Winesburg, Ohio, and for mentoring such literary heavyweights as Hemingway, Faulkner and Steinbeck, Anderson had a knack for unexpected exits.

One day in November 1912, while serving as president of the successful Anderson Manufacturing Co., he simply got up and walked out of his office to pursue a career in writing.

Years later, he made another sudden departure, this time during the middle of a South American voyage. At his farewell cocktail party, Anderson unknowingly swallowed a toothpick hidden within an hors d’oeuvre. The author sailed on, but the toothpick didn’t, penetrating his intestines and causing peritonitis. Anderson became ill aboard ship and later died in a Panama hospital.

4. Charles Dickens
A number of pets graced the Dickens household over the years, including all manner of dogs, cats and ponies. But Charles’ favorite pets were his two ravens, both known as Grip.

Dickens was particularly devoted to Grip I, going so far as to write the bird into his 1841 mystery novel, Barnaby Rudge. This same talkative bird reportedly was the inspiration for Edgar Allan Poe’s famous poem, “The Raven,” published four years later.

Upon Grip I’s demise, Dickens had his beloved bird stuffed. These days, Grip can be seen at the Free Library of Philadelphia’s Rare Books Department, where he stands guard over the Poe and Dickens collections.

5. Flannery O’Connor
Dickens apparently wasn’t the only well-known writer who had a fetish for fowl. Flannery O’Connor, author of 32 short stories including “A Good Man Is Hard to Find” and “Everything That Rises Must Converge,” developed a love for birds at a very young age.

Growing up on her family’s estate in Georgia, O’Connor enjoyed playing with the chickens they raised there and reportedly taught one of them to walk backward, making the chicken somewhat of a local celebrity.

But O’Connor had a special fondness for peacocks, which she often used in her fiction to represent Christ. When she returned to live on the family farm as an adult, she raised an unusually large flock of peacocks, which she tended to until her death in 1964. Afterward, they were donated to various parks and monasteries around Georgia, but all were eventually killed by predators.

6. O. Henry
O. Henry (born William Sydney Porter) may have been the master of the popular short story form, but he was far less skilled when it came to money. While working as a bank teller in Houston, the fledgling author was accused of embezzling a few thousand dollars, prompting his rather sudden move to Honduras.

But a few years later, when he came back to visit his dying wife, he was arrested and sentenced to five years in prison. It was here that convict Porter assumed the pen name O. Henry. His incarceration offered him the time to write as well as a chance to mix with a slew of seedy characters, perfect fodder for his fiction.

A model inmate, Porter was released in 1901, after serving just three years. He passed away in 1910 with 600 stories, but reportedly only 33 cents, to his name.

7. Langston Hughes

Poet, playwright, novelist, essayist and all-around literary luminary, Langston Hughes achieved fame during the Harlem Renaissance. But before that, Hughes was a struggling young writer, working menial jobs to support his burgeoning poetry habit.

In 1925, while working at a restaurant in Washington D.C., Hughes tucked a few of his poems under the dinner plate of then-reigning poet Vachel Lindsay. Lindsay shared the poems during his reading that night, and in the morning, Hughes was crowned Lindsay’s new discovery, the “busboy poet.”

Hughes went on to become one of America’s most prolific authors. Lindsay, however, died six years later after drinking a bottle of Lysol.

8. Edith Wharton
Edith Wharton, winner of the Pulitzer Prize for her 1920 novel The Age of Innocence, is famous for her vivid stories and novels about upper-class society in the late 19th century. It was a setting she knew well, coming from a wealthy and distinguished New England family.

But the high society author had a lesser-known career as a humanitarian. During World War I, Wharton traveled to the Western Front in France, both to write about the battlefields for American publications and to help the Red Cross create hostels and schools for those displaced by war.

In 1916, she was awarded the Legion of Honor, France’s highest civilian appointment, years before the height of her literary career.

9. Charlotte Bronte

Charlotte Bronte may have been the author of the romantic classic Jane Eyre, but she was not well served by love herself. In fact, it more or less killed her.

In June of 1854, a starry-eyed Bronte married her father’s curate and soon became pregnant. During her pregnancy, she fell ill, and according to her earliest biographer, Elizabeth Gaskell, she was attacked by “sensations of perpetual nausea and ever-recurring faintness.”

The elder Bronte sister’s nausea was so overwhelming, in fact, that the author couldn’t eat or even smell food without becoming violently ill. On March 31, 1855, a dehydrated, malnourished and severely exhausted Charlotte Bronte died at the age of 38.